A month and a half have passed since I last posted. Much has been happening in our lives. I moved into a new apartment in the month of September and spent much of my free time preparing for Nathan's arrival in early October. He is here with me now, in his boxers and t-shirt. He just kissed me on his way into the kitchen and told me that I am the love of his life. It's nearly midnight and we have just two short days left before he leaves on his return flight to Iraq.
I felt compelled to write tonight for many reasons. As with most of my entries, I come to this place when all of the emotion of this journey grows beyond what my heart and mind can handle. I come here when it is time to put some of it down on paper, in words, so it can be quietly released. In all of the joy of the past two weeks, there has been a looming sorrow in both Nathan and I. The return to Iraq hangs over us like a giant black cloud. We have yet to have a time in our lives where we can truly experience the solitude and peace of routine and normalcy. We both seem to be wondering if we might ever experience normalcy.
In the midst of all of our questions and all of our fears, there are mountains of sweet blessings that remind me that God is with us and that He will see us through the path He has given us. Tonight offered one of those sweet blessings and reminded me that in a world where there are men who desire to kill my husband, there are also those who desire to honor him and to thank him for the sacrifices he makes.
The owner of the company I work for was kind enough to give us a gift certificate to a very nice steakhouse in downtown Minneapolis, Manny's. It is a very expensive, very classy sort of place. Not the kind of restaurant that Nathan and I usually find ourselves in. I was excited to be able to go someplace nice and we both decided that we would make use of the gift just before he returned to Iraq. We thought it would be a nice way to cap off our wonderful time together. I wore a new dress and Nathan donned a suit and tie just for the occasion. We made a late dinner reservation and we were asked if we were celebrating anything special. I mentioned that this would be our last night out before Nathan returned to the war and the maitre'd said he would make a note of it. We both enjoyed a beautiful cut of steak and a loaded baked potato. We held hands nearly the whole time at our table and we exchanged very few words. It was a rather somber dinner, but it seemed to fit both of our moods. Our waitress brought us the most incredible dessert I have ever seen and we both smiled as we shared our giant brownie concoction. Dinner was over and our waitress, Theresa, arrived with our check. She laid it open on the table in front of us and it said "You Own Nothing". Our $130.00 check had been taken care of; we didn't owe a thing. Theresa assured us it was correct and then she left our table. I teared up and tried not to break down in front of the crowd of people still dining around us. Theresa returned and again reassured us that it was the least that they could do. She thanked Nathan for his service and explained that she had left the table because she was teary as well. She was so kind to us and she seemed genuine and sincere. We left her a tip and then proceeded to the coat check to pick up my coat. The man checking the coats thanked Nathan as well and even came out into the hall after we left the restaurant to wish Nathan well, just one more time.
Our experience this evening may seem trivial to some. To me it was miraculous and touching. The words our waitress wrote on that receipt, You Owe Nothing, struck me. The whole evening seemed to offer a message of appreciation to my dear, sweet soldier. A message that says, you don't owe anyone anything, but we all appreciate that you sacrifice for us regardless. That is just the thing about my husband, and other men just like him. He could have chosen a life that served him more than anyone else. He is a strong, intelligent man who is unbeliveably capable and competent. He could have all the cars he loves, a giant home, a warm comfortable bed, decadent food, a career that provides much more than he would ever need, and a life that meets his every want and desire. He chose a life that is more about protecting others than about selfish gain. He chose a life of sacrifice because that is who he is. He does all of this because he is honored to be a citizen of this country and even more honored to defend it at any cost. He doesn't owe us anything. He has chosen to defend us; he has chosen this life. I am so thankful tonight, that someone else chose to honor him and to say thank you in a way that really touched us both. We had hoped for a nice dinner to cap off our very short time together. What we got was so much more than that and I am reminded that no matter how much my heart aches, my husband has made a choice and I couldn't be more proud and more thankful of his sacrifice.
Tonight I thank God for people who honor my Soldier's faithful, diligent work and I thank God for all of those who stand watch tonight while we rest in one another's arms just one more time.
