I haven't been able to get to sleep lately. I can't quite put my finger on the reason for my late nights but here I am. It's 12:15 am and I'm still up. I'm not even a touch tired. I just had a short chat with Nathan by way of instant messenger and now he is off to start his day. I'd like to finish my day and climb into bed but it just doesn't seem to be working out that way.
We are currently anticipating Nathan's mid-tour leave. It looks like he'll be home in about five weeks. I didn't expect to be so nervous about his arrival. There is so much that one doesn't consider until they are in a particular situation. I know that so many people who are not connected to a soldier have so many assumtions about what it is like for those of us who are awaiting the arrival of our partner. All we have had for nearly six months is phone and internet contact. I haven't felt the touch of my husband's hands since March. I've gotten used to being alone. I've adjusted to sleeping in the bed alone and to eating meals alone in front of the television. Nathan has adjusted to sharing a small living space with another man and eating in a chow hall with hundreds of other men. He hasn't felt the warm touch of his wife in a long time. We certainly look forward to these times together but it is an adjustment for both of us. It seems that just when we've settled into the reality of our situation, everything is turned upside down once more. There are a lot of insecurities and awkward moments that arise from the sudden changes that we are about to experience. I think the anticipation has us both on edge. We still have five weeks to go and unfortunately, they will probably be the longest five weeks we've experienced so far. We're counting the days and we're both desperatly ready to be together again.
It's raining outside my window now. I love the sound of the rain. It is so melancholy, much like I am right now. I look forward to rainy nights with Nathan. The rain is always a wonderful excuse to stay indoors and spend some quiet time together. There are so many simple things that I look forward to. I just want to see his face and to feel his presence in our home.
I'm getting drowsy now. I think I'll take advantage of the sleep tonight. Thanks be to God for the rain and for my Nathan.
