38 Days Until Christmas

Today is the first day of this blog. I've spent a considerable amount of time reading others' thoughts on their blogs and realizing that this is an interesting form of written release for those who make good use of this medium. It seems that when people are encountering a difficult challenge or a major life change, they tap into the blog medium in order to sort out their thoughts. It seems as though it often does not matter who reads the blog as much as it matters to have a safe place to peacefully download one's thoughts where judgement does not exist.

I am at an interesting crossroads in my life. I've been through a long line of trials to finally realize that what I was searching for was always right there with me, waiting for me to turn to Him. I've turned, and now He is teaching me how to live a life with Him and how to allow Him to change my heart. With that about face, followed by a difficult and rewarding walk, He has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.
One of these incredible blessings is the relationship that I've been given. The Lord has blessed me with the friendship and companionship of a sweet and wonderful guy named Nate. As you can tell by the title of this blog, it turns out that with the blessing of Nate comes the challenge of the Army National Guard and a nation at war. Nate is seving his country as a soldier. Just a short time after we met and knew that we were to be together and that God had led us to one another, Nate left for mobilization in Mississippi. The mobilization will take 6 months, two and a half of which are already over. Then Nate will deploy to Iraq where he will spend one year working, serving, fighting for our nation. This blog is intended to be my sanity for the next 18 months.
It seems sometimes that the people in one's life, although very loving and supportive, can not understand where one is at. It turns out that I am a writer of sorts. My thoughts only come out in a way that is healing and complete when I write them. I spend hours talking with friends and family and yet, I don't get it all out. I am influenced by their thoughts and their reactions. I cannot be entirely honest with myself unless I write. I know that the desire to write all of my frustrations and heartache surrounding this wait of mine has been incredibly strong. It isn't fair for me to write all of those thoughts to Nate. For now, he should be shielded from my hurts for the most part. He needs to be focused and his heart desires to turn towards God and towards his mission in Iraq. My sadness, lonliness, frustration, and hurt would be burdens to that focus if I laid them all on Nate. In prayer, I lay them at the foot of the cross of my Lord and I know that He is the reason I have any peace at all. Yet, after that, I still feel like I need to write it all down. So here I am.
The next 18 months will be chronicled here in this little blog. The joys and sorrows of this long road ahead will be a tiny piece of this vast world of internet information. Maybe, in a very comforting way, my thoughts can be lost here and left here. Maybe the Lord has given me the desire to write so that I can be released from the difficult times and reflect on the wonderous ones.
If you are a reader of this journey, thank you for sharing this part of my life with me. If you pray, add Nate to your list.

38 days until we see one another in Kansas for Nate's block leave.

Thanks be to God for the gift of this journey called Waiting on Nate.