It's nearly one in the morning and I've just spent the last hour frantically tearing our house apart looking for one thing. I woke in a start wondering when I had last seen a gift Nathan had given me our first Christmas together. He took one of his dog tags and attached it to a tag that had a picture of the two of us etched on it with a quote. "We don't remember days; we remember moments."
After Nathan gave me a necklace from Tiffany & Co when he was home on leave, I took the tags and put them away. Since summer began, I haven't worn any jewelry to avoid odd tan lines. For some reason, tonight, right now, I needed to find that first gift Nathan gave to me. I hadn't seen the dog tags since I moved into our new house. I felt panic as I searched the house for them. For some reason, I felt like I couldn't know that Nathan was coming home, that he was alright, until I had those tags in my hands. I went through closets tearing apart boxes full of random things. With each box I felt more and more guilty that I would have taken such a precious gift and tossed it in a box. I couldn't find it anywhere. I tore through my multitude of bathroom supplies thinking it may have ended up there when I took it off last. Still no luck. More panic. More fear. More guilt. How could I have disregarded such an important piece of Nathan's heart? Have I done that all along? Have I taken him for granted? Have I not done all I could do to tell him that I love him? I prayed and prayed with each box and each closet that the Lord would lead me to this elusive piece of metal. No luck.
Then it occured to me that I hadn't really checked the Nathan box. Since we met, I've had this wonderful old antique box that I bought just for the purpose of holding things that were connected to my time with Nathan. I still have the ribbon that was tied around the first bouquet of flowers. I have the receipt from the purchase of our wedding bands. I have the box in which he delivered his precious dog tags. Every tangible piece of my life with Nathan resides in this box. So I went to the box and after a short search, I found his precious tags. I don't ever want to lose them again. I'm glad that they were in the Nathan box and not at the bottom of some box of random things. I'm glad that Nathan is on my mind and heavy on my heart tonight. I don't want to take any piece of that man for granted ever. I miss him so much I can hardly breathe right now. I just want him to be home and here in our bed. I want to be able to sleep soundly. I want our lives to be together and not thousands of miles apart. He'll be headed out of Kuwait tomorrow on his way to the United States. I'm so glad that I can put those dog tags back around my neck while I wait to be back in his arms.
Thank you Lord for finding what I was searching for. Thank you for allowing me to live my life with the one I was searching for. Thank you for bringing my search to and end and for bringing him home safely.
