I never expected to be so affected by the loss of soldiers I don't know. Nathan called this morning to let me know that he was okay. He tries to get to me before the news media puts out word that another Minnesota National Guardsman has been killed. Even though I am always relieved to know that Nathan is well, I am exhausted by the news of another loss.
As is true for Nathan, the loss of soldiers so close to home makes us both face the fragile state of our existance. It always sends a thankful chill through my bones to know that God has been so gracious in drawing us both to His side. We don't know how many days we have here on earth. So much of what we learn through this journey is that life carries no guarantees. The assumtions that so many take for granted are distant memories of ours. We don't assume that we will be here to hold hands in rocking chairs on the porch of the family farmhouse when we're ninety. We don't assume that we will both watch our children grow and get married and have children of their own. We hope and pray for these things but we never assume. We live a life in which we must always prepare for the worst and hope for the best. There are no guarantees.
If I could share any message with those who ask me about this war, it would be that we should never take our partner in this life for granted. I often hear women in passing complain about their husbands' bad habits. More alarming for me is the incessant need for many women to talk about their husbands in ways that are not honoring to them. I look at my neat, perfectly organized home and my clean bathroom and it makes me sad. I look at the empty sink and the freshly vacumed carpets and I miss him terribly. I know that husbands come with a certain amount of dirt and a certain lack of knowledge about how to remove that dirt. I know that they create laundry and hefty food bills. I know that they want to watch the football game and spend the early morning hours of the fall season in the woods hunting anything that moves. I know that they have a knack for keeping a vehicle spotless but can't understand why you don't want their dirty feet on the coffee table. I also know that I would trade all of those neat and tidy things and all of that relentless desire to be a woman in control of her home, for just one day with my dirty, football watching, deer hunting husband. I long for just a few hours of having him here, just his presence. I want to see his shoes by the door and his truck in the yard. I want him to kill the spiders and flop his sweaty, dirty, post gym body on my brand new couch. I would give all of the chick flicks in the world to watch just one football game with him. I would love to eat pretzels and pizza and scream at the TV for four hours, if he were here to scream with. The things that we, as women, so often put at the top of our priority list, and in the front of our minds, mean nothing when we spend night after night alone, praying that he will return. My immaculate home is just a stark contrast to my broken heart.
If you encounter this blog and you have a dirty husband who watches too many ball games and gets sweat on your new upholstery, I ask that you thank God for him. Thank God that he is safe in your home driving you mad. Thank God that he gives you that playful glance in between innings or touchdowns. Thank God that he kisses your forehead while you lay sleeping and he sneaks out in his best woodland cammo to shoot at random wood creatures. Lay aside all of that anxiety that rises in you when he isn't exactly what you think he should be and give him a playful glance in return. God has blessed each of us with our partner, for better or for worse, for near or for far, in safety and in danger. Please make your husband your priority tonight and forget about the dishes. They will still be here tomorrow. I pray that I can say the same thing about Nathan. Tonight I thank God for another day of His protective hedge and for His hand in our lives. I thank God tonight for teaching me that Nathan is far more important to me than a home without any dirt. I thank God for all that He teaches us in these trying times. It is in Jesus name...
